Being an Overcomer..

Wow, it has been forever since I have blogged on here; but guess what?? It won’t be that long until I blog again.. LOLOL!!

So, yesterday I had every intention to blog about one of the most real, most controversial, most unexpected questions I have ever been asked on a radio interview I did years ago..

I started writing and had to save it because I am still on the campaign trail and had a million things to take care of; therefore, I decided to edit it and put it on the shelf so that I could add my pix as well as personal touch today so I could post it and get back to work but GoD had another plan for my message today!!

It is the message of watching one that I LoVe(d) dearly, suffer, almost die in the hands of her husband, overcome and get back to living L.I.F.E as if NOTHING ever tried to destroy her..

My disclaimer is the following: I will NOT share any names but this is ALL true accounts that I am sharing with you today..

Imagine, I was only 10, in the essence of my youth with the world so bright before mii; as I had my family and friends all around mii!! I studied hard as I was taught too, played games with neighborhood kids, attended dance classes and ultimately didn’t have much to worry about until she went and got married.. My best friend at the time, though she was much older than mii, ok about a dozen years or so but it didn’t matter because she told everyone that she was really my mother and we did everything together.. We laughed and joked as we were in and out of Fl., Haiti and New York City, yup, it was awesome that she came to live with us, her family!!

“Ki sa, ammmwwwaaayyyyy… Pou ki sa li fe sa mem?? Et ti moun yo?? Eske yo ok??”

What I have said was what I heard from the elders, as they were inundated with questions and fear as to their relatives safety as well as the safety of one child she held in her arms, that were so very fragile with blood pumping out of one, and the baby that was still nestled in her womb, with no knowledge of the pain her very own father was inflicting on her mother and possibly on her eldest sister…..

I sat in fear, wide – eyed, shaking and trying to fight back the tears that wanted to explode  from their dwelling, I had to be strong, I had to remain calm!! I had to fight the monster who was trying to kill the ones I loved so much.. But how could I do anything about the situation, by this point, I was only like 11 and had NO way of saving anyone because I couldn’t even save myself..

Would she be ok?? Would he go to jail?? How were the little ones?? Will I ever see them again?? How could this be happening?? We were always sooooooooo #Happy as a closed knit loving family??

Friends, the situation I am referring to is one of many that would occur between a very close relative of mine who chose to love and honor her abusive, alcoholic, vindictive husband whom she didn’t know of his nature prior to them saying their vows..

The Lord truly has an interesting way of bringing things to one’s remembrance as I forgot about the many years of the abuse that this person endured, until I saw him again, in a family photo with the same family he tried to kill 2 decades prior!! How could he stand there, smiling and taking pictures with them I thought?? Does he NOT have any shame?? Where is his sense of pride, surely he could have sent a check or bouquet of of flowers but Lord, he really showed up to his first borns graduation and he is acting like he did something, as if he contributed much more than his semen!!

I close here, I began to think of the things he did to my family, what he did to my non – existent LoVe L.I.F.E because every time I thought of the abuse, the drinking, the 911 calls, how he intimidated others with his education and power, I wanted to throw up; instead let mii tell you what GoD did…….

He showed mii how beautiful they were!!

GoD showed mii that they did endure hell on earth for many years but that NEVER broke her or the children, he could have accomplished his demented plan of killing them off but it didn’t happen for a reason that still boggles mii..

Less than 8 years later, the same one who almost died, called mii to tell mii that I was the Only Christian in the Family and I had to Pray for Sandy, my Beautiful Cousin who was shot in the head and was fighting for her L.I.F.E!!

Why was Sandy taken, yet she lived after receiving multiple stab wounds, being hospitalized and having to get more stitched than I could count??

Though I don’t know the reason, I know this….. As I looked at the picture again and again, I saw what determination looks like, I understood what being an overcomer truly means; furthermore, I realized that it doesn’t matter how many times he tried to take her {them} out.. What matters is that she and they are still standing..

Today, I can share this tid bit about mii and NOT cry my eyes out too and that is because I am also an OVERCOMER!! Though I was NOT almost killed by a man that was supposed to love mii and be there for mii for our eternities, I found a way to overcome the ones that appeared so kind and innocent and wait for what  was (is) truly mine to be..

Friends, rejoice when you too have OVERCOME.. I know I will NOW and forever more!!

To you, my family.. Congratulations again on your Victory!!

Yours Truly,

AniYa A.                                                         The one who watched for years

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Did He Know??

Well, I usually do NOT blog about my loveless existence but today I had to let go of a part of  me that has been fighting this uphill battle…… I wonder if he ever knew??

Years ago, when my beautiful cousin Sandy Jeanty (she is the gorgeous one on the left, I am on the right…. people have said we favor one another in the past and I never thought so until I was playing around in my bathroom getting ready for night out, what do you think??) was murdered by her fiance’ it left this hole in my heart and it is NOT just because I couldn’t believe she was gone just like that, here one day and gone the next but it was also because I NEVER wanted to love again, I NEVER wanted to date again NOR did I ever see myself as being married and it was because of the abuse I had seen prior to my cousins death but her situation really had a number on me!!

I ran from relationships, I ran from two marriage proposals and what was most scary was I thought I could run away from me….. I say that to say that the person I once was NO longer lived and it killed me as I wanted so badly to love and be loved but how could that happen when I just knew I would end up hurt too, or even worse I could be killed by someone (my man or future mate for L.I.F.E) who was supposed to be there to have and to hold, through sickness and health, till death did us part!! How could I forget the way I felt that night I heard the news and pretend that I didn’t see ALL the stories in the media re: to domestic violence..??

Did He Know??

How was I supposed to tell him that I was afraid of him and though he seemed like a nice enough guy, secretly my heart raced and my body was uneasy every time we met and spoke……??

It’s been over a decade since my cousin was taken from me and in that time, I wrote a novel; “After ALL the Pain” is a fiction piece that I created and worked on for many years, the two main characters have this love that I actually envy, but then again I wrote it because I want it in my day to day living but I knew I could NEVER receive it because I was NOT ready……

Today, I am ready for the possibilities of LOVE  but I have recently discovered something about those who come into your L.I.F.E, 1. they will either stick around to find out what those little issues are that one tries to conceal or 2. they will string you along, become tired of the non verbal cues but also will lose the desire of being with you because they are truly NOT meant to be with you.. In my case, I wanted to open up, I wanted to share that there was a place I wanted to be right there in his arms, hidden from every aspect of the blatantness of the worlds foolery but he NEVER understood that the words could NOT escape my secret place of security and solitude; ironically enough, he played one game after another and utilized my own dismissal of his attempts to get back at me, “I’m so busy, You know I am really busy these days, Yup, I have been extremely busy with ………”

Well, DUH, I know you are busy but did you know why I was busy??

To you: I only said it out of frustration to be as cool as you.. I only said it because deep down inside I needed an escape from my situation fighting one pain after another, struggling some days to even stay awake as the medications that were being pumped into my system were sooooooo strong that the word drowsy written on the bottles were a complete understatement as to how I felt, I met you just a couple of years after suffering from a blood clot in my lung for crying out loud, from just being told that I would NEED to be on Dialysis possibly for the rest of my L.I.F.E, I met you when I was at my worst – fighting for my right to live again…. I said I was busy because that word actually protected me!!

Years later, you are off doing BIGGER things I could have imagined for you and I am here working on me continuously – matter of fact, I am NO longer in excruciating pain, I thankfully NEVER had to be on Dialysis for my kidney and yes my kidney function is better NOW than ever, I am living on my own in the City I LOVE, working for myself on a company I created through the grace of GoD.. I give back because of my story but mostly because of my Sandy, see while you were running around pretending to be “oh so busy”, I was staying very busy too….. I realized that though you have everything I could have ever dreamed of in a man, you could of ended up being just like the one that took my Sandy’s L.I.F.E over a dozen years ago…… Did you know that when your staff blew me off, it made me stronger?? Did you know when you wouldn’t listen to my voice as you pretended to be engaged in something more important than what I had to say, I would envision more projects and ways to help others out of their situation??

Does he know I will NOT bother him anymore as I finally have let that chapter close and though I may be missing out on something that I have NEVER had, I prefer to exist doing what I LoVe in a state of mind knowing that everything will truly be alright..

Did HE even want to Know??

Ladies (Men too), I am speaking to you who has gone through a battle, you have fought to feel loved again but are still in your situation because you don’t feel good enough to start over?? I am speaking to the one who like me has had to fight for everything you own yet still don’t know how to love what you own or even yourself, I am speaking with the ones who have lost a dear relative or friend to the hands of a monster!! I am speaking to the one who knows that he (or she) doesn’t even know your struggle but he (or she) is still there..

My dearest ones, what ever your situation is – seek help and get a fresh start!! I did through lots omg lots of prayer and going to different seminars, working with Pastors as well as going to church and I am whole again, do I miss my cousin and what her L.I.F.E could have been?? Of course I do, but that is why I am able to share this part of me with you….. Don’t be afraid of LoVe because of what has happened in the past, learn from it, grow from it and conquer whatever fear you have that is trying to stop you from getting it!!

I don’t know if “He” will ever know this and honestly, I don’t think he will care, I have grown a lot in the past few years and because of what was going on for a period of my L.I.F.E with “Him” I now am more confidant, stronger and wiser.. Oh yea, I will be less BUSY too now as I am much Better and more embracing of the possibilities too..

Your Praying Friend,

AniYa A.

 

 

 

 

“Learning Patience While You Wait..”

It’s presently 1130pm and though I have a ton of things to do and emails to get back to before I start my day tomorrow, I had to drop everything to write this……..

So, though 2015 started off rocky – I made it and to mii that is NO small feat!! As I began to finally get my footing, started a new gig, working on new events for the young people through my small business, Freedom Entertainment Group, I became overwhelmed (in a good way obviously) with gratitude towards GoD that in everything I was going through, HE totally kept mii.. Then it happened, yup more people around mii were getting engaged and/ or getting married and that also meant babies were popping up like weeds too!!

Sure, I had been proposed to many times in my day, but I always knew that the one GoD had for mii would be different from everyone else.. What is funny, is even as of late there have been guys tryin to “Hooollllaaaaa” and I have turned them down because they too were NOT right!! I wasn’t worried about a date or having someone for my bday in October, spending Christmas or New Years with that “Special Someone” but for some odd reason, I spoke with GoD and practically told HIM that I wanted to be with someone special for Valentines Day and that would be that….. Oh Boy was that the wrong thing to do, first of ALL we CANNOT tell GoD what to do because HE is GoD ALL by HIMSELF and for 2. what was it that made mii want to ALL of a sudden be with someone for that day and NOT for the rest of my L.I.F.E??

See Fam, with the media perpetuating love, sex and relationships whether good or bad in our faces constantly, it makes it rather difficult for someone who is trying to wait on GoD to physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually  and literally wait on HIM.. I, for one have NEVER really seen good examples of Christian relationships growing up, so everything I have been learning in my adult years has been through reading the Word and trusting GoD while I learn to be patient because HE is my Father and cannot lie to mii….. I cannot discredit many leaders I listen to and watch such as Bishop TD Jakes and First Lady Serita , the Obamas, Joel Osteen and his lovely wife and many more!!

I say ALL this to say:

If GoD has promised you something, know that you will receive it.. It doesn’t matter whether or NOT you know where it is coming from NOR if it doesn’t come when you want it to, just have the Faith (Hebrews 11:1) to know it will come in due season as there is a time for everything (Ecclesiastes 3)…… Today, though I do NOT have that special someone in my L.I.F.E, I am thankful in the Waiting Experience because the more I wait is the more I learn to Trust HIM and I know that HE is preparing my soul mate as HE continues to prepare mii!! Love should NEVER be rushed and to be honest, there is NO rush when we are in GoD; I know HE has called mii to study the Word, Minister to the broken souls around mii and ultimately HE is allowing mii to go through many trials too because I used to think L.I.F.E was very fun, easy going and care – free while I selfishly did what I wanted to do, when I wanted too…… If you are in the Waiting Process, I suggest you continue to pray, wait, trust and believe that though you (insert laugh out loud here) didn’t have someone for these past holidays, like mii that the person who is for you, is waiting for you two to be together as well!!

To my Future Hubz, I am kind of glad we haven’t linked up yet because trust mii, I would have done something foolish already and you would probably be running for the hills; I thank GoD that HE is preparing us both and I pray that you are praying for our Future just as much as I am praying for it too..

Jesus, thank you for preparing us both as you already know each of us and what we are capable of but also what can hinder us from the destiny that you have spoken for us (Jeremiah 29:11) – to anyone reading this who has been struggling with Waiting, begin to pray about it and ask GoD to truly Help You!!

Your Praying and Waiting Sister,

 

AniYa A.

Blessings to you ALL