Did He Know??

Well, I usually do NOT blog about my loveless existence but today I had to let go of a part of  me that has been fighting this uphill battle…… I wonder if he ever knew??

Years ago, when my beautiful cousin Sandy Jeanty (she is the gorgeous one on the left, I am on the right…. people have said we favor one another in the past and I never thought so until I was playing around in my bathroom getting ready for night out, what do you think??) was murdered by her fiance’ it left this hole in my heart and it is NOT just because I couldn’t believe she was gone just like that, here one day and gone the next but it was also because I NEVER wanted to love again, I NEVER wanted to date again NOR did I ever see myself as being married and it was because of the abuse I had seen prior to my cousins death but her situation really had a number on me!!

I ran from relationships, I ran from two marriage proposals and what was most scary was I thought I could run away from me….. I say that to say that the person I once was NO longer lived and it killed me as I wanted so badly to love and be loved but how could that happen when I just knew I would end up hurt too, or even worse I could be killed by someone (my man or future mate for L.I.F.E) who was supposed to be there to have and to hold, through sickness and health, till death did us part!! How could I forget the way I felt that night I heard the news and pretend that I didn’t see ALL the stories in the media re: to domestic violence..??

Did He Know??

How was I supposed to tell him that I was afraid of him and though he seemed like a nice enough guy, secretly my heart raced and my body was uneasy every time we met and spoke……??

It’s been over a decade since my cousin was taken from me and in that time, I wrote a novel; “After ALL the Pain” is a fiction piece that I created and worked on for many years, the two main characters have this love that I actually envy, but then again I wrote it because I want it in my day to day living but I knew I could NEVER receive it because I was NOT ready……

Today, I am ready for the possibilities of LOVE  but I have recently discovered something about those who come into your L.I.F.E, 1. they will either stick around to find out what those little issues are that one tries to conceal or 2. they will string you along, become tired of the non verbal cues but also will lose the desire of being with you because they are truly NOT meant to be with you.. In my case, I wanted to open up, I wanted to share that there was a place I wanted to be right there in his arms, hidden from every aspect of the blatantness of the worlds foolery but he NEVER understood that the words could NOT escape my secret place of security and solitude; ironically enough, he played one game after another and utilized my own dismissal of his attempts to get back at me, “I’m so busy, You know I am really busy these days, Yup, I have been extremely busy with ………”

Well, DUH, I know you are busy but did you know why I was busy??

To you: I only said it out of frustration to be as cool as you.. I only said it because deep down inside I needed an escape from my situation fighting one pain after another, struggling some days to even stay awake as the medications that were being pumped into my system were sooooooo strong that the word drowsy written on the bottles were a complete understatement as to how I felt, I met you just a couple of years after suffering from a blood clot in my lung for crying out loud, from just being told that I would NEED to be on Dialysis possibly for the rest of my L.I.F.E, I met you when I was at my worst – fighting for my right to live again…. I said I was busy because that word actually protected me!!

Years later, you are off doing BIGGER things I could have imagined for you and I am here working on me continuously – matter of fact, I am NO longer in excruciating pain, I thankfully NEVER had to be on Dialysis for my kidney and yes my kidney function is better NOW than ever, I am living on my own in the City I LOVE, working for myself on a company I created through the grace of GoD.. I give back because of my story but mostly because of my Sandy, see while you were running around pretending to be “oh so busy”, I was staying very busy too….. I realized that though you have everything I could have ever dreamed of in a man, you could of ended up being just like the one that took my Sandy’s L.I.F.E over a dozen years ago…… Did you know that when your staff blew me off, it made me stronger?? Did you know when you wouldn’t listen to my voice as you pretended to be engaged in something more important than what I had to say, I would envision more projects and ways to help others out of their situation??

Does he know I will NOT bother him anymore as I finally have let that chapter close and though I may be missing out on something that I have NEVER had, I prefer to exist doing what I LoVe in a state of mind knowing that everything will truly be alright..

Did HE even want to Know??

Ladies (Men too), I am speaking to you who has gone through a battle, you have fought to feel loved again but are still in your situation because you don’t feel good enough to start over?? I am speaking to the one who like me has had to fight for everything you own yet still don’t know how to love what you own or even yourself, I am speaking with the ones who have lost a dear relative or friend to the hands of a monster!! I am speaking to the one who knows that he (or she) doesn’t even know your struggle but he (or she) is still there..

My dearest ones, what ever your situation is – seek help and get a fresh start!! I did through lots omg lots of prayer and going to different seminars, working with Pastors as well as going to church and I am whole again, do I miss my cousin and what her L.I.F.E could have been?? Of course I do, but that is why I am able to share this part of me with you….. Don’t be afraid of LoVe because of what has happened in the past, learn from it, grow from it and conquer whatever fear you have that is trying to stop you from getting it!!

I don’t know if “He” will ever know this and honestly, I don’t think he will care, I have grown a lot in the past few years and because of what was going on for a period of my L.I.F.E with “Him” I now am more confidant, stronger and wiser.. Oh yea, I will be less BUSY too now as I am much Better and more embracing of the possibilities too..

Your Praying Friend,

AniYa A.

 

 

 

 

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HE IS HERE, HE HAS RISEN, HE IS ALIVE

Today, is Easter Sunday and I have a jammed packed agenda, before I even had my cup of coffee the Lord came to me in a still, soft voice and spoke with me saying, it is NOT by our Will but it is what HE wants…. As of late, my walk with GoD has gotten stronger and it is funny because I have been asked questions like, “How do you know HE even exists, why do you go to church after ALL you have been through, if GoD truly is here then why is there so much pain, suffering and violence around the world??”

I have tried to answer different questions but often share that HE gives us Free Will.. 

See friends, this morning when I felt HIM with me it made sense that if HIS Son Jesus couldn’t just NOT do what the Father wanted, then none of us are different…..When I am asked those aforementioned types of questions; I sit back and recall a time my own Faith had been shattered, I recall a time I started to NOT believe and when I sat in my quiet room and prayed directly and asked HIM to please let me know if HE was with me and furthermore, I asked HIM for HIS help as I couldn’t even believe on my own at that point!! HE showed up in my dark room and comforted me but HE also left me with an everlasting peace that I have had since….. Have I been through a lot in my L.I.F.E, yes I have but do I have a GoD whom will NEVER leave me NOR forsake me, yes I do have that too!!

If you do NOT remember anything in this post, please remember that ANYONE who gives their L.I.F.E to Christ will be #Blessed for Eternity….. How do I know, because I once was where you are today!! I once was on the fence, I once didn’t have anyone to speak to about how I was feeling and I once was a sinner and NOW I am saved by HIS grace..

If you have NOT received Jesus and feel the NEED to know HIM Better, say this prayer today: “Father, in your name I come. I desire to know you better, I am sorry for ALL I have done that has been against you and I ask you to come into my L.I.F.E today…. I ask in the name of your Resurrected Son Jesus that you heal me, deliver me, set me free, keep me, wrap your arms around me and Jesus I ask that you save me from my own selfishness, my issues, my sins, my bad habits and please just save me from myself….. I NEED you today and I LoVe You!! Thank you Jesus for Saving Me.. In your name I pray!!”

If you have said that prayer and meant it, know that you are Saved; now it is time for you to find those who are Saved, Sanctified and full of the Holy Ghost so you can learn and grow.. Last thing, alot of people who say they are saved are still battling with many issues so please be cautious out there….. If you NEED a friend, a prayer partner, someone to listen to you….. Feel free to write to me at: prayedforfreedom@gmail.com or connect with me via FB: AniYa A Period and I will help you though prayer of course but also connecting you with others, I will share churches that I know will be a blessing as well as share scriptures that I know will encourage and motivate you !!

May you ALL Be Blessed on this Amazing Day….. I feel chains are being broken and I will receive a Salvation Testimony very soon, I am praying for each of you and know that you are loved..

Your Sister in Christ,

AniYa A.

P.S. ‘Never Be Bound Again’ by Bishop Paul S. Morton is the song for you today!!

Falling

Today (12.4.15) as I was rearranging different items in my closet, one of my winter coats started to fall……..

As I went to try to grab it before it hit the ground,  I thought if I try to stop this thing I may hurt myself in the process!! Utilize your creativity and see where I am; I was standing near the frame of the door and there were a few hangers near my leg on my right side as well as my chair that I was utilizing to get to the top shelf to my immediate left, so let’s just say that trying to grab that Gap coat would have been more detrimental than beneficial.. Within a few seconds, my mind shifted to how quickly we can be up one day and down right on our bums the next, so why am I writing today you may be wondering??

F1

EASY, many people are experiencing stages of uncertainty presently; there are those whom are saddened by the lost of loved ones, then you have those whom NEVER had anyone to love from birth because NO one took the time to stick around for them and finally you have those whom have everything under the sun yet they still are incredibly miserable.. As that coat made its way towards the ground, I felt hopeless and then I started to blame myself for allowing such a nice article of clothing to be in such a less than satisfactory position, friends L.I.F.E happens and we have the choice to either stay down or get back up daily!! When my coat was on the floor, I also started to think about people I meet daily and how they freely share their stories with mii..

Some stories are so heart wrenching that I spend time going over their problems in my own head, forgetting my own issues, but you want to know the stories I like the most?? It’s the ones where people have fallen over and over but they pull themselves back up again.. The Bible says this about the Righteous who falls, “The godly may trip seven times, but they will get up again. But one disaster is enough to overthrow the wicked.” Proverbs 24: 16 Fall2.jpg

NOW, I am speaking to someone who is struggling at this Moment –

Whatever you are going through today, this week, this past month etc. know that even when you are Falling, have Fallen, Fell down, you can and will get back up but you have to know it in your mind, heart and soul.. There are sooooooooo many promises in the Bible such as Jeremiah 29:11 (which happens to be one of my favorites – sorry if I am being redundant with this one but it really gives mii a ton of hope – AmEn) Hebrews 11:1 re: the Faith we NEED to Proceed, you can even find strength and courage to go on through a simple passage such as Psalms 1; especially, where it says to stand still – see in standing still we receive instruction that we otherwise would NOT have received had we been running to and fro….

I hope you have seen some light in your situation in reading this message, I want to leave you with this last verse(s) which I debated with my self about sharing but I see how it comes together and I know that GoD is going to help each of you today as HE helped mii to write this for HIS Edification..

F2

Love You ALL Alwayz,

AniYa A.

“The Man Curse” by Raqiyah Mays

Do you think you are cursed in your love life? Or have you had some strange issues happen in your family and you’ve never been the same since? Well, stop everything and read the following:

The time has come and it is an absolute pleasure and honor to write this blog about none other than Ms. Raqiyah Mays who is doing so much and it is a blessing to know her. In the following you will see photos of this Leader from her latest photo shoot where she was one of the women selected for The Limited’s “The NEW Look of Leadership” campaign but also you will learn more about her NEW book which is hitting the world wide web on November 16th and you can support her by buying her book at the following: themancurse.com, barnesandnoble.com, amazon, ibooks, and at Google play.

WHAT IS THE MAN CURSE?
The Man Curse is a self-help fiction novel that explores the phenomenon of generational curses and cycles in families as told through the story of Meena Butler, a professional woman working to break the man curse and become the first woman in her family to marry. Is she cursed? Or is it all in her head?

When Raqiyah and I first met, she had just spoken to a group of women at a Domestic Violence event (it was one of the most amazing ones I have ever been too, there will be another one in May, if you would like more info or to be connected as a vendor, sponsor, to just attend etc. let me know and I will put you in contact with organizers) and that is where I learned of “The Man Curse” as well as her being a Leader for the campaign she is apart of now! What I admire the most about Ms. Mays, who happens to be WBLS‬ 107.5 FM Radio Personality, an Author, Journalist, and an Activist, is her boldness to share what is on her heart as well as on her mind. Friends, I have read the first few pages of her book and I am here to let you know I cannot wait until I get my hands and eyes on the rest of the book which comes out tomorrow!

Shortly after we met, she asked me if I could share my story in a tv interview that we would both take part in, I agreed that it was time to let people know that my favorite cousin, Sandy Jeanty, was murdered by her fiance’ over a decade ago and the pain is still deep, I say that to say, what is so different about Raqiyah is she is helping so many heal. She has taken parts of her story and life and turned it into a piece of literature that reaches the soul! I, for one, have seen so much D.V in and around my younger years growing whether it was via my aunt whom was stabbed by her spouse or again when my cousin was murdered by someone whom was supposed to love her, marry her and live happily ever after with her! To be honest friends, I almost gave up on love and have ran away from many men as I believed that I would be hurt, demonized or even killed. Today, I am taking control back and saying that though there may have been a Man Curse surrounding me and my family, I, you, we can overcome and be happy in love with whomever God has for us.

I close by sharing that I am finally able to open up about some of these deep seated issues I have hidden for many many years, people like Ms. Mays shares these messages in her work because she knows people like me and you need to be freed from these invisible chains of oppression which bound us for way too long! Friends, if you are in a Domestic Violence situation, whether it is verbal, physical (this one is HUGE), emotional, monetary (sometimes your abuser will hold funding and monies from you as a way to hold you as a prisoner), spiritual and more it’s time to GET OUT. I am speaking from experience and I will never forget one of the last phrases I utilized when finally speaking up about losing my own cousin at the aforementioned event, “Remember fam, you are NOT the only ones whom are affected when you are in these abusive situations as you have cousins, aunties, grandparents, uncles and friends whom love you very much besides your children and parents.”

Be safe, love yourselves, reach out to those who love you, or seek help from abuse centers which the police stations near you can escort you too and turn this thing around! Don’t forget to check out the following for ways you can hear Raqiyah Mays speak and see her LIVE.

If you are in these areas, please see the dates and plan on meeting Raqiyah Mays at one of these venues

If you are in these areas, please see the dates and plan on meeting Raqiyah Mays at one of these venues

“There hasn’t been an author in 20 years, since Terry McMillan, to fully express the experience of black women in love and romance. I believe Raqiyah Mays can fill that void with The Man Curse.”
*Karen Hunter, Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist, best-selling author, publisher, Sirius/XM host of “The Karen Hunter Show”

Raqiyah Mays was selected out of thousands of women to be one of the women chosen for The Limited's new campaign here in the Tri-State area, doesn't she look great??!!

Raqiyah Mays was selected out of thousands of women to be one of the women chosen for The Limited’s new campaign here in the Tri-State area, doesn’t she look great??!!

GoD Bless You ALL,

AniYa A.

Freedom Entertainment Group

President & CEO