Did He Know??

Well, I usually do NOT blog about my loveless existence but today I had to let go of a part of  me that has been fighting this uphill battle…… I wonder if he ever knew??

Years ago, when my beautiful cousin Sandy Jeanty (she is the gorgeous one on the left, I am on the right…. people have said we favor one another in the past and I never thought so until I was playing around in my bathroom getting ready for night out, what do you think??) was murdered by her fiance’ it left this hole in my heart and it is NOT just because I couldn’t believe she was gone just like that, here one day and gone the next but it was also because I NEVER wanted to love again, I NEVER wanted to date again NOR did I ever see myself as being married and it was because of the abuse I had seen prior to my cousins death but her situation really had a number on me!!

I ran from relationships, I ran from two marriage proposals and what was most scary was I thought I could run away from me….. I say that to say that the person I once was NO longer lived and it killed me as I wanted so badly to love and be loved but how could that happen when I just knew I would end up hurt too, or even worse I could be killed by someone (my man or future mate for L.I.F.E) who was supposed to be there to have and to hold, through sickness and health, till death did us part!! How could I forget the way I felt that night I heard the news and pretend that I didn’t see ALL the stories in the media re: to domestic violence..??

Did He Know??

How was I supposed to tell him that I was afraid of him and though he seemed like a nice enough guy, secretly my heart raced and my body was uneasy every time we met and spoke……??

It’s been over a decade since my cousin was taken from me and in that time, I wrote a novel; “After ALL the Pain” is a fiction piece that I created and worked on for many years, the two main characters have this love that I actually envy, but then again I wrote it because I want it in my day to day living but I knew I could NEVER receive it because I was NOT ready……

Today, I am ready for the possibilities of LOVE  but I have recently discovered something about those who come into your L.I.F.E, 1. they will either stick around to find out what those little issues are that one tries to conceal or 2. they will string you along, become tired of the non verbal cues but also will lose the desire of being with you because they are truly NOT meant to be with you.. In my case, I wanted to open up, I wanted to share that there was a place I wanted to be right there in his arms, hidden from every aspect of the blatantness of the worlds foolery but he NEVER understood that the words could NOT escape my secret place of security and solitude; ironically enough, he played one game after another and utilized my own dismissal of his attempts to get back at me, “I’m so busy, You know I am really busy these days, Yup, I have been extremely busy with ………”

Well, DUH, I know you are busy but did you know why I was busy??

To you: I only said it out of frustration to be as cool as you.. I only said it because deep down inside I needed an escape from my situation fighting one pain after another, struggling some days to even stay awake as the medications that were being pumped into my system were sooooooo strong that the word drowsy written on the bottles were a complete understatement as to how I felt, I met you just a couple of years after suffering from a blood clot in my lung for crying out loud, from just being told that I would NEED to be on Dialysis possibly for the rest of my L.I.F.E, I met you when I was at my worst – fighting for my right to live again…. I said I was busy because that word actually protected me!!

Years later, you are off doing BIGGER things I could have imagined for you and I am here working on me continuously – matter of fact, I am NO longer in excruciating pain, I thankfully NEVER had to be on Dialysis for my kidney and yes my kidney function is better NOW than ever, I am living on my own in the City I LOVE, working for myself on a company I created through the grace of GoD.. I give back because of my story but mostly because of my Sandy, see while you were running around pretending to be “oh so busy”, I was staying very busy too….. I realized that though you have everything I could have ever dreamed of in a man, you could of ended up being just like the one that took my Sandy’s L.I.F.E over a dozen years ago…… Did you know that when your staff blew me off, it made me stronger?? Did you know when you wouldn’t listen to my voice as you pretended to be engaged in something more important than what I had to say, I would envision more projects and ways to help others out of their situation??

Does he know I will NOT bother him anymore as I finally have let that chapter close and though I may be missing out on something that I have NEVER had, I prefer to exist doing what I LoVe in a state of mind knowing that everything will truly be alright..

Did HE even want to Know??

Ladies (Men too), I am speaking to you who has gone through a battle, you have fought to feel loved again but are still in your situation because you don’t feel good enough to start over?? I am speaking to the one who like me has had to fight for everything you own yet still don’t know how to love what you own or even yourself, I am speaking with the ones who have lost a dear relative or friend to the hands of a monster!! I am speaking to the one who knows that he (or she) doesn’t even know your struggle but he (or she) is still there..

My dearest ones, what ever your situation is – seek help and get a fresh start!! I did through lots omg lots of prayer and going to different seminars, working with Pastors as well as going to church and I am whole again, do I miss my cousin and what her L.I.F.E could have been?? Of course I do, but that is why I am able to share this part of me with you….. Don’t be afraid of LoVe because of what has happened in the past, learn from it, grow from it and conquer whatever fear you have that is trying to stop you from getting it!!

I don’t know if “He” will ever know this and honestly, I don’t think he will care, I have grown a lot in the past few years and because of what was going on for a period of my L.I.F.E with “Him” I now am more confidant, stronger and wiser.. Oh yea, I will be less BUSY too now as I am much Better and more embracing of the possibilities too..

Your Praying Friend,

AniYa A.

 

 

 

 

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“The Man Curse” by Raqiyah Mays

Do you think you are cursed in your love life? Or have you had some strange issues happen in your family and you’ve never been the same since? Well, stop everything and read the following:

The time has come and it is an absolute pleasure and honor to write this blog about none other than Ms. Raqiyah Mays who is doing so much and it is a blessing to know her. In the following you will see photos of this Leader from her latest photo shoot where she was one of the women selected for The Limited’s “The NEW Look of Leadership” campaign but also you will learn more about her NEW book which is hitting the world wide web on November 16th and you can support her by buying her book at the following: themancurse.com, barnesandnoble.com, amazon, ibooks, and at Google play.

WHAT IS THE MAN CURSE?
The Man Curse is a self-help fiction novel that explores the phenomenon of generational curses and cycles in families as told through the story of Meena Butler, a professional woman working to break the man curse and become the first woman in her family to marry. Is she cursed? Or is it all in her head?

When Raqiyah and I first met, she had just spoken to a group of women at a Domestic Violence event (it was one of the most amazing ones I have ever been too, there will be another one in May, if you would like more info or to be connected as a vendor, sponsor, to just attend etc. let me know and I will put you in contact with organizers) and that is where I learned of “The Man Curse” as well as her being a Leader for the campaign she is apart of now! What I admire the most about Ms. Mays, who happens to be WBLS‬ 107.5 FM Radio Personality, an Author, Journalist, and an Activist, is her boldness to share what is on her heart as well as on her mind. Friends, I have read the first few pages of her book and I am here to let you know I cannot wait until I get my hands and eyes on the rest of the book which comes out tomorrow!

Shortly after we met, she asked me if I could share my story in a tv interview that we would both take part in, I agreed that it was time to let people know that my favorite cousin, Sandy Jeanty, was murdered by her fiance’ over a decade ago and the pain is still deep, I say that to say, what is so different about Raqiyah is she is helping so many heal. She has taken parts of her story and life and turned it into a piece of literature that reaches the soul! I, for one, have seen so much D.V in and around my younger years growing whether it was via my aunt whom was stabbed by her spouse or again when my cousin was murdered by someone whom was supposed to love her, marry her and live happily ever after with her! To be honest friends, I almost gave up on love and have ran away from many men as I believed that I would be hurt, demonized or even killed. Today, I am taking control back and saying that though there may have been a Man Curse surrounding me and my family, I, you, we can overcome and be happy in love with whomever God has for us.

I close by sharing that I am finally able to open up about some of these deep seated issues I have hidden for many many years, people like Ms. Mays shares these messages in her work because she knows people like me and you need to be freed from these invisible chains of oppression which bound us for way too long! Friends, if you are in a Domestic Violence situation, whether it is verbal, physical (this one is HUGE), emotional, monetary (sometimes your abuser will hold funding and monies from you as a way to hold you as a prisoner), spiritual and more it’s time to GET OUT. I am speaking from experience and I will never forget one of the last phrases I utilized when finally speaking up about losing my own cousin at the aforementioned event, “Remember fam, you are NOT the only ones whom are affected when you are in these abusive situations as you have cousins, aunties, grandparents, uncles and friends whom love you very much besides your children and parents.”

Be safe, love yourselves, reach out to those who love you, or seek help from abuse centers which the police stations near you can escort you too and turn this thing around! Don’t forget to check out the following for ways you can hear Raqiyah Mays speak and see her LIVE.

If you are in these areas, please see the dates and plan on meeting Raqiyah Mays at one of these venues

If you are in these areas, please see the dates and plan on meeting Raqiyah Mays at one of these venues

“There hasn’t been an author in 20 years, since Terry McMillan, to fully express the experience of black women in love and romance. I believe Raqiyah Mays can fill that void with The Man Curse.”
*Karen Hunter, Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist, best-selling author, publisher, Sirius/XM host of “The Karen Hunter Show”

Raqiyah Mays was selected out of thousands of women to be one of the women chosen for The Limited's new campaign here in the Tri-State area, doesn't she look great??!!

Raqiyah Mays was selected out of thousands of women to be one of the women chosen for The Limited’s new campaign here in the Tri-State area, doesn’t she look great??!!

GoD Bless You ALL,

AniYa A.

Freedom Entertainment Group

President & CEO

“Prayers on Reserve!!”

“Good Morning, it’s AniYa A.!!” this is the way I pick up my phone, my greeting changes with the time of day so if it is afternoon, I would say Good afternoon, it’s AniYa A. well you get my point!! Today is the 21st of October, exactly a day before my Bday and my L.I.F.E was changed less than 48 hours ago..

I had the opportunity of speaking with Tico Armand, after I kept seeing a vision, for a couple of weeks at least, of her and this vision also included seeing her beautiful face on a flyer that I wasn’t sure what it would be for.. Then on Oct. 17, she posts on her FB page this remarkable testament of how powerful visions can truly be when she shared that #AliciaKeys had just re-posted one of her modeling photos on IG which included the following depiction: “Absolutely gorgeous!! #Stunning” and then came the confirmation!!

How funny was it that Tico and I had been friends on FB for years, I am presuming, and NEVER had a convo, but what was more inspiring was the fact that I really didn’t know much about her except she is Haitian, she is Beautiful and she has a BIG Heart (I can tell that part from her posts and esp. what she says about others).. Taking a second out of my busy NYC day, I send her a message via inbox and ask her to call me or let her know if she wanted me to call her, I could do that as I never want to impose so I give people the leisure of making contact etc.

When Tico called, I was illuminated with joy as I could tell instantaneously that the energy she portrayed on her pages and throughout the web is accurate of her bubbly personality, so this is why I am writing about her today.. Not only does Tico have an amazing personality but she is deeper than just pictures, photo shoots and hosting events!! Tico is like an Amazing Soldier on the Battlefields for GoD but through #Entertainment..

I thanked her for reaching out and let her know about my visions but also asked if she would possibly be interested in helping me with an event that I have upcoming in The Treasure Coast, I recall stating, “Tico, I have to share that you have been on my heart too because though I do NOT know your story, I know you have one and many people to NEED to hear it!!” More confirmation came when she said, “I do have a story, I have been through a lot and I am Unbroken!! I have posted it before, have you not seen it??” To my astonishment, I had not and though I was a little embarrassed that I hadn’t seen her story on YouTube, I said, please share it with me!!

( Please find the link here for her story:   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ufZr05Or8q8 )

Within a few minutes, I was in tears; she comforted me and told me NOT to cry but I could NOT hold back the tears at that point because truth be told, I was also molested and our stories were quite similar, hers though was much more painful to listen to but that did NOT take away from the fact that she is “Unbroken” in every way.. Tico Armand coming from Haiti at an early age was taught many lessons as I was though I was born in America, I am still a first generation born American to Haitian parents and if anyone knows anything about Haitian families, you will know we carry a lot of burden upon our shoulders as we have it very difficult pretty much from the start but you know what fam, I am sharing this message because there is H.O.P.E (Hold On Pain Ends) – you have a way out of your situation, you are beautiful from the inside out, I am writing this and I am NOT shedding a tear and this is a major step for mii – I was sure I would be balling by this point but our conversation just 2 days ago was a moment of Freedom in every way!! Tico and I, NOT only shared our stories with one another but we also lifted each other up in prayer..

We both could have ended up in less than positive places in this world, utilizing our past hurts as a way to behave out of control but here we are 2 young ladies going forward as we share that we truly care!! If you notice the subject line, you will see the phrase, “Prayers on Reserve” the reason is Tico shared this statement with me that I will hold on to forever..

Here is where I wrap up, while we were in the middle of Praising GoD {together}, Rejoicing in HIS goodness as I was shouting Amen’s on Jamaica Ave in Queens, New York (trying hard to be respectful of the passerby’s – but heck, I couldn’t keep it in as even GoD isn’t a respecter of man – LOLOL), Tico said, “Girl, I thank GoD I have these prayers on Reserve!!”

I stopped and said, “Can you please repeat that……..”

She said sure, “I have Prayers on Reserved for those days I can’t pray, for days I am being attacked and can’t even worship, I have prayers in a vault somewhere that GoD will give me as HE will recall Everytime I Praised HIM and Prayed like we are doing NOW!!” Well, what else is one to say except – Thank You Lord.. We ended our convo with the typical good byes, stay in touch and what have you’s but there was really nothing ordinary about the beginning to the ending of our chat as it was ALL Extraordinary in everyway as is my Sister Tico Armand!!

For more on Tico – Google her: Tico Armand – YouTube her or her powerful poem: “UNBROKEN” – Follow her on FB: https://www.facebook.com/TicoArmand?fref=ts or IG her: @iamtico

Have a Blessed One,

AniYa A.

One individual with many looks..

One individual with many looks..

"As a kid you can make believe to be anything in this world and I, I wanna be #Happy" by Tico

“As a kid you can make believe to be anything in this world and I, I wanna be #Happy” by Tico